NBA First Half Awards: Oscars Style

by Nick Hansen
in Misc · Movies · Sports
— 21 Feb, 2012

Smell that? It’s the smell of red carpet, excessive makeup, and ice packs. It’s the Academy Awards and the NBA All Star weekend. Players and actors will be enjoying themselves as they get rested up or made up this coming weekend.

Since the season is halfway over award predictions will be coming fast and furious.

Cue the music and call Billy Crystal because we’re gonna do this Oscar style.

Best Picture (Must Watch Team):

In the Miami Heat of the Night: This year’s Heat team has all the aspect of an Oscar worthy story: revenge, redemption, and funk.

Oklahoma City Thunderball : The fan favorite for those who turn their nose to the Hollywood elite.

The Spirit of the Philadelphia 76 ers: The underdog nomination. However, a bunch of anti-superstars have created quite a show in the City of Brotherly Love.

Chicago Bull Durham: Hard nosed coach and shy superstar take the league by storm.

Linception: A small town kid from Palo Alto California moves to NYC and makes it big. And then we all love him.

And the winner is…

The Miami Heat

The Heat and company have been playing out of their mind lately. They have won five straight road games by ten points or more. Don’t expect them to be happy with just being Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close to a title this season.

Best Actor:

LeBron James: He has done some freakish things this season. He also has a desire to not be evil anymore. Wasn’t that Gru’s problem in Despicable Me?

Kobe Bryant: Kobe Clooney just won’t stop working.

Chris Paul: CP3 is proving that Hollywood can have huge hits with the number three in the title

Ricky Rubio: Ricky Rubio’s heated performance is thawing Minnesota’s losing ways.

: Just sayin’

Steve Nash: Nash is now Martin Scorcese. He won’t win until after he’s Departed Phoenix.

And the winner is… Chris Paul

It’s now Lob Angeles. When Ryan Gosling reps you in a critically acclaimed movie you have officially made it to the big time.

Best Supporting Actor/Actress:

James Can’t Harden Wait: I can’t wait to get a beard like his.

: (H/T to The Longest Monday for the image.).

Kyrie “Eliason down the road that I must travel” Irving: In my defense, it’s really hard to pun his name.

Jeremy Lin’s Couch: The bigger story here is that Harvard grads are crashing on their friend’s couches. It’s a tough economy, people.

Extremely Lou-d Williams and Incredibly Close: I know it’s the second time I’ve punned that movie. It was just too good to pass up. And the leading contender for Sixth Man of the Year can’t be left off this list.

Javale McGee’s Mother: Pamela McGee wants Washington Post readers to know that she didn’t raise a “knucklehead“. After a season with plays like this and this, that’s true support.

And the winner is… Kyrie Irving

I loved Forgetting Sara Marshall. I hope Kyrie turns the Cavs into something like that movie.

: H/T to JP Moore of buzzfeed.com

Best Screenplay (Best Storyline of the first half):

Lob City of Angels: Long ashamed Clippers fans are finally able to show their faces in public again.

The Dirk Knight Rises: Lamar Odom as Robin just is not working out. Dallas needs their German caped crusader back at full health.

Dances with the Minnesota Timberwolves: This fun loving buddy pic between bearded goofballs, Ricky Rubio and Kevin Love is becoming a staple of NBA TV’s fan’s choice night.

Dwight Howard the Duck: Just like said movie, everyone just wants the D12 trade drama to be over with.

Linderella: Harvard grad takes the Association by storm. Baron Davis turns in to a pumpkin after Lin’s tenth 20 point game.

And the winner is… Linderella

Harvard, Asian-American, the couch… It’s Hollywood gold. (That is not a real movie poster, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it did happen)