Big Skeezy vs The Wedding

Some of you might remember a post I put up about a year ago about women getting engaged, and how they basically just stand there and play no part in it aside from answering the question.  Well, a year has passed and it came time to attend the wedding of the woman who inspired that very post.  This is the tale of that day.

It started innocently enough, with me spending most the day lounging about waiting until it was time to get ready.  The wedding was to begin at 5:30 PM on a Saturday and was being held in Fullerton, CA.  Fullerton, otherwise known as the Cradle of Western Civilization, is about 40 miles east of Los Angeles so there was a drive to be made.  It was also really hot that day and I was in a tie.  FML.

I arrived at the venue, a beautiful little restaurant tucked away in the hills above Fullerton.  For those of you who haven’t ever been to Fullerton, it basically looks like this:

Needless to say, any fun I was going to have that evening would HAVE to be at the wedding.

I arrived around 5:15 (thank you, 91 Freeway) and made my way to the small group of chairs set around a lovely gazebo decorated in flowers.  I was a little worried about an outdoor wedding at dusk, but this one was set up correctly and we were facing east which put the setting sun to our backs.  You see, a few years ago I attended a wedding at a beachfront hotel where the ceremony took place facing west as the sun set.  Not only was it summer, hot, and blinding but the whole time a plane towing a banner that read “HASTA LA VISTA CHOLESTEROL” circled back and forth above the bride and groom.  Hilarious, to say the least.

On the topic of the ceremony, it was exactly what it needed to be – short and sweet.  Let’s be honest here.  No one outside of family goes to a wedding for the ceremony.  There are two things that people go to a wedding for – free food and open bar.  Luckily, this one had both.

Once the ceremony was concluded we made our way to the patio outside the ballroom which we were not allowed to enter yet.  I, of course, went straight to the bar and then found a table with my friends (who we’ll call “Jorge” and “Leslie”).  The waiters soon dropped by with wee foodstuffs.  There was a wee bloody mary shrimp cocktail which was delightful, some small toasted bread which had a small tomato on top and meat on a stick which had a bit of peppers rolled into it.  Personally, I find that any food on a stick is a superior model for serving as it is self-contained and easily consumed.  My friend Leslie was kind enough to demonstrate her meat eating skills for the purpose of this story:

That’s right, boys – she’s single!  Let me know if you want her number.

Finally it was time for dinner.  In order to find your table you had to figure out the clue written on your seating card and match it to the film it is from, as the bride and groom are big film buffs.  “Stephanie”, the bride, seated me at the Moulin Rouge table.  I can only assume she did so because she knows I hate that movie.  The ballroom, however, was lovely:

The tables were also set very elegantly:

The wedding party was introduced once we sat down and the bride and groom were kind enough to get their first dance as well as the mother/son and father/daughter dances out of the way before dinner.  The bride and groom looked pretty snazzy during their obviously unrehearsed dance routine:

And so we sat and ate.  I enjoyed the prime rib that evening, which was delightful.  They brought out creamed corn in a serving bowl as well.  Normally, I am not a fan of creamed foods as it just tastes funny to me but, at the prodding of the nice lady with wings tattooed on her back, I tried some and found it to be very tasty.

Once dinner had been had it was back to the patio with my small band of wedding guests.  Stephanie had been smart enough to have a photo booth installed outside for the guests pleasure.  She was also smart enough to have every picture taken in it that night saved to a DVD that she could later use for blackmail and entertainment purposes.  Leslie and I climbed in and took a few pictures.  I, of course, wore the sparkly pink cowboy hat:

The bride eventually fought her way through the crowd and made her way to us.  We all used to work together which is how I got invited to the wedding.  She looked gorgeous, of course, and it was actually fun to see her all dolled up and not in jeans and a stupid Angels jersey:

As you can tell by looking at the dress, I found it difficult to make eye contact with her that night.

The wedding wore on, people danced, cake was cut and the evening ended successfully.  Despite the fact that it was in Fullerton and the top shelf booze wasn’t free, I had a delightful time.

Finally, I want to send my best to “Kevin” and “Stephanie”.  Here’s to the new chapter in your lives!