As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. Four weeks have now passed and there have been a few transgressions already. Will a certain someone continue down her dark, slugging path? Who is truly hustling harder? Will Skonkita retain custody of her children? Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
Remember those Ruffles from last week? The “Loaded Chili and Cheese” kind? I’m totally eating those as I type this and they are DEEEEEEEE-LICIOUS! I’m not sure if it’s a good move, though, because what if this just fans the flame?? What if I wolf down this bag and go on a rampage?? I can see it now…bricks falling out of buildings…women pulling children off the street…mass chaos as I barrel down the road looking for REAL chili cheese fries. Not to mention the fact that those trick hos Breequana and Big Skeezy decided to eat chili cheese fries in front of me the other day! Then everyone comes in on Monday talking about their weekends. “Oh I had so much beer and it was sooo good” yeah well F*** YOU AND F*** THIS CHALLENGE! I’ll eat my stupid Ruffles and I’ll stay strong just so I can rub it in all your stupid faces come Easter!
Breequana (Hot Cheetos and Beer)
Who knew that week 4 would be harder than week 1? I am not much of a fan of mixed drinks so I was Sober Sally all week. FML! Its all my fault really, for thinking that I could go to a baseball game and I wouldn’t want to drink an ice cold beer. By the 2nd game, I was ready to give in but settled for smelling Big Skeezy’s tall glass of PBR. It was heavenly. How did I make it through the week? Beer Baths! They dry out your skin, you get beer in all the wrong places and random people on the street ask if they can recite the serenity prayer with you. Nonetheless, they are GREAT. You should try it someday!
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
So this week was filled Peach champagne from Trader Joes yum yum! Then came the Dodgers game my almost demise! First I had to sit in the lower reserve with the less fortunate Dodgers fans and children ughhhh See I am accustomed to sitting field level. I only sit by GOD when it’s a promo night and I bring my kid because we’re not going to stay the whole game. I’m a true Dodgers fan, get to the game late and leave early LOL This game was sans my child so I could have a drink! YES! I noticed they upgraded the bar and had the tasty blue margaritas thank you Camacho’s , but then I saw it… a bottle of Ketel One I was so excited the words just fell out of my mouth Kettle and Cran please! As the guy reached for the kettle I immediately gasped like I saw my grandma get hit by a car and threw my hand over my mouth and said JK JK I’ll take a cherry mojito. I walked away with a new delicious drink but my heart was still heavy when I had to part ways with ketel. He’s been so good to me… no hangovers, no puke, just pure joy! This week was an almost FAIL… still no vodka
PS I’m over you Broxton!
The days are beginning to wear on me. Social Services stopped by the other day to discuss my “mothering skills”. I said, “YOUR mothering skills, maybe!” and slammed the door. I’m so on edge I don’t even make sense now.
The kids have all hung around, despite that fact that they have to do all the cleaning and shopping now. I’ve lost all will to do anything at this point. I find myself driving miles out of the way just to pass a Starbucks and get a whiff of that sweet brown nectar. Good lord that sounded dirty. FML!!! I can’t wait for Easter!
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
Believe it or not, I’m okay. I believe I may have “kicked” this “physical abuse” thing in the butt. Thank you Lent and Easter.
“Silly Rabbit, Kicks are for Kids.”
Or have I…
Big Skeezy (Coffee and Cigarettes)
Hustlin’ has become harder due to my lack of fuel. Truth be told, I’ve actually gotten used to having delicious water in the morning. The problem is that the water would be so much more delicious if it was heated and poured through some delicious Columbian coffee grounds. I’d love to take a cup of that and sit outdoors, enjoying a cup of coffee while trying one of Breequana’s newfound loves – menthol Camel Crush cigarettes. You see, a regular Camel Crush starts as a normal smoke and then becomes a menthol when you break the “flavor pod” (or whatever they call it) in the butt. When I smoked I loved these, because I could turn the last few drags of my otherwise normal smoke into a menthol. It was like a nice sorbet to cleanse the palate.
Breequana has some that go from menthol to super menthol. She claims that not only are they delicious, but when you crack the “flavor pod” and start on the super menthol portion of your cigarette it helps you breathe better. No lie – she claims that smoking these helps you breathe better due to the metholyptus-esque powers contained in the flavor pod.
Truth be told, I want one. With a cup of coffee. Today.
There you have it, folks. Everyone seems to be falling apart as we clear the halfway mark in the 40 Day Challenge. Stay tuned!