As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. Three weeks have now passed and the downward tilt has begun. Have we all stayed true to our commitment or did we all give up and rain ten dollar bills into the “Screw-Lent-I-Love-My-Vices-Too-Much” jar? Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
Oh how I love you. Just when I think you can’t come up with an even tastier chip than before, you go and pull this!
I was like “Damn, is this shit for real?” All I know is whoever thought of this shit must have given up fries for 40 days.
P.S. I’m staying strong and laying off the beer.
Breequana (Hot Cheetos)
I cried a single tear on Friday when I realized that I couldn’t remember what my delicious cheetos taste like. These three weeks seem like an eternity but I’m staying strong. As a matter of fact, I’ve stepped it up. . . I haven’t drank beer since St. Pats! I will admit that my mouth waters at the smell of beer on someone’s breath and that I have been dreaming of Bikini Blonde Lagers but it’s all worth it to be able to say:
Big Skeezy, you can take your BOOM and shove it! Now whose Hustling Harder?
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
So this week wasn’t rough! NOT I went to the club with my friends and those jerks ordered a bottle of Grey Goose. FAIL but the real fail of the week was Humperdoodle, She beat me and I promised myself the last time she hit me was the last time. I don’t know whats wrong with me that I keep coming back to her. FML although I needed a kettle and Cran this week I managed to get through w/ the following on Saturday night:
1 large Patron and pineapple
3 shots of Soco and Peach Schnapps
1 Shark bowl no vodka Extra rum
3 Rum Watermelon and 7 up
1 salad @ Dennys no carrots ranch dressing
You’ll be happy to know I’ve finally rustled up all my children and, for the most part, they don’t have any lingering mental instability…at least no more than they had when I lost them to begin with.
It’s been a hard week for me (that’s what she said). The skonkas I work with decided to attack me with fresh, delicious Starbucks coffee cake!
I resisted and actually had a new appreciation for Humperdoodle’s struggle with trying not to smack people. I nearly cut everyone.
I was able to take my mind off of the challenge for a bit on Monday when Breequana and I went to the Lady Gaga concert. Check out my outfit!
And yes, I know you can see the tag on my ass, thank you very much.
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
Ok. So here’s the deal. I can’t hit you. I can’t hit her. I can’t hit him. I can’t hit your dog, cat, rat, elephant, so on and so on. I can’t kick, punch, slap, elbow, push, trip, head-butt.. ok I think you get it. It has been the worst struggle of my life (but I think I’m allowed to spit, awesome ;)) but I don’t think you understand how hard it is to not touch someone!
It’s easy to give up coffee, or food, or alcohol, but IT’S NOT EASY TO GIVE UP YOUR LIMBS!! Seriously people! You guys have it made.
Okay, you may think I have to go to anger management, but actually Aunt Flow visited me recently (TMI) and I was the 1st one to FAIL the “Lent-Off Challenge,” I now owe the pot $30. I was really moody this past weekend, can you blame me? Don’t piss me off. Anyway, lunch is on me… but I’ll get one of you to fail soon. I’m not going down alone. Watch your backs.
Big Skeezy (Coffee)
This week has been trying, at best, due to a lot of different factors. First of all, I stopped using the patch five days in and have been flying solo on the non-smoking since last Friday night. It also didn’t help that Breequana was kind enough to give me a small gift, pictured here:
If you can’t see it very well, it’s a wee can of amaretto almond flavored coffee grounds. It smells delicious, and I’d very much like to punch her in the face for that. Even with the coffee being thrown at me and travelling in automobiles with smokers (Breequana) I have hung tough and continue my drive to finish on top, like most drives I embark on.
Also, to answer the question, I’m hustling harder. Here’s proof – suck it!
And there you have it, folks. Things are heating up around here! Stay tuned for next week’s check-in!