TheDiplomat cleans my house

Dear TheDiplomat,

I’ve come up with a list of 10 “action items” that I need you to take care of for me by sundown tomorrow. Thanks will be given upon successful completion (this means by sundown tomorrow) of all items.

  1. I need you to buy me a new mattress. I like the one I currently have so please come over, write down the model number, and pick me up a new one.
  2. I also need you to get me some Charlotte Thomas ‘Bespoke’ bed sheets. Yes, that is 22-carat gold thread.
  3. I need four PS3’s. Originally I only needed three but someone left my bidet running and it shorted the outlet. I’m actually glad that happened because I don’t like it when wires show anyways.
  4. I need you to install the four PS3’s for me. Remember, absolutely no wires showing.
  5. I need you to pick me up a new pair of sandals. Please don’t try them on unless you are wearing socks.
  6. I just got another call from the dry cleaners. I kindly asked last week that you go and pick this up for me. They should have two pairs of my socks and three of my undershirts.
  7. I need you to call Mila Kunis and cancel the dinner plans we had tonight. If she asks you why, tell her it has to do with Black Swan. She won’t get it and no one should because it doesn’t make sense.
  8. I need you to drive all my financial records for the last 16 months to my CPA. I just sent his address to your email.
  9. My dogs need a bath. Please bathe each of them individually using their bathtub. They both prefer Mr. Bubble.
  10. I want a handwritten apology letter for stealing my McDonald’s Big Mac and leaving me with the McDonald’s Chicken Sandwich.