As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. Two weeks have passed and, amazingly, no one is dead yet. How did everyone do otherwise? Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
Right now this is more appealing than sex:
My roommate tried to trick me by peeing in a frosted glass to look like it was beer. I’m pretty sure he’s still recovering from my knee softly ramming into his balls. That was the only bending that happened this week.
Breequana (Hot Cheetos)
After purchasing the Hot Cheeto Purse, I realized I needed to get away from all the temptation. I hopped on a plane and was off to the Bay Area to spend the weekend with my sisters (and sexy Persian men), you know, to get my mind off things.
I started off ok, but by 10am on day 2 of my trip, I was craving Hot Cheetos, so I called my sister “Phaloula” and asked her to bring me some Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles (I have been using these to fill the void). She brought me this:
WTF are you kidding me?! I decided to start drinking instead.
The weekend was great and I am happy to report, I didn’t think of Cheetos the rest of the weekend. Of course my mind was preoccupied with the snow storm that closed down the 5 freeway, having to push the car out of the snow while wearing sandals and the 17 hour detour we took to get back to LA. It was a success. . . until I got back to the office on Monday:
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
Went to the bar… Screw you bottle service I won! Grey Goose for $150 didn’t faze me HA! STILL sober FML.
There have been some obvious run-ins with social services this last week or so, due to the fact that I still seem to be missing a couple of children. I even went INTO a Starbucks the other day just to see if they were there but…did you ever walk into a room and forget why you’d gone in there? That kind of happened. I didn’t buy anything, though.
It’s been a very trying two weeks for me. Luckily my desk drawer at work has about $168 worth of band candy (which I bought with the money I saved by feeding only 40% of my children) which should keep me sated for a while:
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
The urge to punch a chump is growing stronger by the day. The people who sit near me all day don’t know how close they come every few minutes to getting slapped across their stupid faces. With all of this pent-up rage I knew if I went out this weekend I would certainly drop someone so I decided to stay home in bed for 48 hours. I have a couple of bed sores, but I’m still in this to win it!
Big Skeezy (Coffee)
I miss coffee. I do. I actually am fine most days but recently I’ve found that I really, really want to have some. Just this morning one of my contractors called on his way into the office and asked if I’d like anything from Starbucks. I replied with a half sigh, half “no”. On Sunday morning I made a run to Target and, of course, there’s a damned Starbucks sitting right by the front doors. I was tempted to crack and pay the $10 fine but I knew I’d feel worse if I had some than if I didn’t. So…still no coffee for me. In fact, aside from a spot of Diet Coke that might make its way into my Jack Daniels here and there, I’m more or less off of caffeine entirely.
Unbeknownst to the ladies I am in this challenge with, I’ve changed the game this week. There’s been some speculation from my fellow entrants that coffee isn’t that hard to give up and that I’m coasting through this. Well guess what, girls? I haven’t smoked since Sunday night around 7PM. That’s right, I cut out cigarettes, too. Hustle harder, as the Cosby Sweaters mantra goes. Now who’s coasting? BOOM!
That’s the Week Two wrap-up! It looks like everyone is still going strong, much to my surprise. Will the success continue this week? I’m pretty sure someone has a lunch meeting at Islands today and, if memory serves, they have BOTTOMLESS fries! I am also 100% certain that the people she is going with will be eating fries. Oh, the horror! The sweet, sweet horror!