As you know, a group of friends from my office and I decided to give up something we love for Lent. After last week’s introduction we have reached the end of the first week. How did everyone do? Let’s check in, shall we?
Andy Panda (Fries and Beer)
Theme song for the week: “All I do is win, win, win no matter what. Got money on my mind, I can never get enough. And every time I step up in the building, Everybody’s hands go up!” Me and Breequana went to Vegas this weekend and that bitch tried to lure me in to Oshea’s to play beer pong.
I gained 4 pounds because all the food I’m eating but lost it dancing my ass off in the club. Side note: Philly like the Latin meat. Still going strong bitches!
Breequana (Hot Cheetos)
It’s been a very difficult week for me. I have trouble sleeping at night. The night terrors have set in. It’s so totally not cool! In order to combat the detox my body is going through I decided to turn to the thing I love almost as much as Hot Cheetos – shopping! I needed a new bag…but everywhere I turned I saw this:
Busty St. Claire (Vodka)
I’m still sober. FML.
On the plus side, two of my kids returned so that’s pretty cool. I hope the other three aren’t waiting for me at Starbucks, because they won’t find me there. Will they see me driving by, sobbing? Maybe.
The worst part of my week was when that skank Busty left coffee cake on my desk. She told me it was homemade but you can’t fool a fool! Is that how that goes? Anyway, I know Starbucks coffee cake when I see it so I hit her in the head with it.
Humperdoodle (Physical Abuse)
It hasn’t been easy not slapping everyone because everyone is such a dummy. The way I managed to keep from slapping fools was to stay as drunk as possible. If you keep a drink in each hand at all times or at least one drink and a cell phone in your hands you avoid swatting at people because the things in your grasp are too expensive to waste on that. Who knew Lent would be so pricey?
Big Skeezy (Coffee)
I did just fine, thank you. I was too busy drinking a lot of other things last week to notice I wasn’t drinking coffee. I still get mild headaches from time to time, but I’m fairly certain that’s from the clucking of the hens I sit near. Regardless, no coffee for me last week!
And there you have it! It seems we were all able to stay on track this week. Will the next seven days be as good? With 33 days to go is it likely that someone will crack? Tune in next week and find out!