Jungle Fever – A debilitating disease that causes an individual to be attracted to people outside of their race, referring particularly to an affinity for black people.
Historically, there has been no cure for Jungle Fever. Temporary treatments such as, going to private school or moving to the suburbs have been available for years but sufferers are still exposed to trace amounts of black people and run the serious risk of relapse. Scientists made a break through early this year and finally a cure has been developed.
THE 6 STEP PROGRAM
Ingredients: Real Mayonnaise, Panini Bread, Lettuce, Tomatoes, All Natural Cold Cut Turkey, Low Carb Potato Chips, Organic Soy Milk, FOX NEWS, A Book (with words) and The TV Show FRIENDS.
This Process should be done 4 times a week for 3 months. On off days, the patient may interact with black people to help alleviate withdrawal symptoms.
1. Quarantine the patient from black influences that may worsen their condition. For example, stop them from watching BET, UPN, MTV and anything that begins with “Tyler Perry’s…”
2. Take 2 thin slices of Panini Bread and place the cold cut turkey slices, lettuce and tomatoes between them. On the topmost slice of bread spread a generous amount of mayonnaise evenly with a knife. You now have a turkey sandwich. The Low Carb Chips and Organic Soy Milk can be used to compliment the meal.
3. Next, Play FOX NEWS for 25 minutes every hour. Between Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, negative stereotypes about black people can be reinforced and amplified. The patient thinking all black people are dangerous, angry, rapping, criminals is key in the recovery process.
NB: FOX NEWS has also been known to cause patients to dislike Mexicans. Puerto Ricans and in isolated cases Canadians.
5. Play the TV show Friends. This will help the patient be at ease with a world completely devoid of black people or anything pertinent or relating to them.
6. Have the patient read a book for 20-35 minutes to conclude the treatment. The patient will need to support their reading habit by spending time in bookstores and coffee shops. A National Geographic study found these two places to be the least likely places you can find black people in urban areas.
Within 3 weeks you should see a marked improvement in the patients condition and after 6 weeks the patient should be showing signs of attraction to their own race again.