Bon Voyage, Cap’n Crunch

FMLQuaker, the wonderful company behind Cap’n Crunch, has decided to discontinue actively marketing the cereal to children.  After years of being screamed at by health nuts (a single serving of the delicious yellow cereal contains 12 grams of sugar), Quaker has decided to force the Cap’n off his boat.  While the cereal isn’t being completely discontinued, I find it difficult to believe that they will keep making it.  After all, without kids demanding the cartoonish pirate and his tasty wares, who will?

This saddens me, as I have a lot of fond memories of the Cap’n.  I remember when he started making different Crunches.  First he added berries, and then made them all taste like peanut butter.  Critics be damned, he created a version that was all berries (appropriately titled “Oops!  All Berries!”).  There was Punch Crunch, Vanilly Crunch and Cinnamon Crunch.   Choco Crunch was later, followed by Christmas Crunch.  The list goes on: Halloween Crunch, Home Run Crunch (with wee bat and ball shaped pieces), Choco Doughnuts (with doughnut shaped pieces covered in candy sprinkles – no sugar there), Mystery Volcano Crunch (which came with a packet of what were basically Pop Rocks that exploded in milk), “Oops! Smashed Berries” (with flat Crunch Berries), CoZmic Crunch (containing a packet of orange powder that turned milk green for some reason), and Polar Crunch (in which the Berries turned blue when milk was added).

Now I’m not saying it’s healthy but, dammit, it was tasty to me!  One of the greatest revelations of my young adult life came my freshman year of college when my roommate shared his love for sandwiches made with Wonder bread, O.G. Cap’n Crunch and Jiffy peanut butter.  That stuff was amazing.

Cap’n…if you truly are walking the plank, let me be the first to salute you.  You made breakfast better.  May the mighty Poseidon steer your voyage true.