4:45AM: I woke up and logged on. I had over 100000 live news feeds to catch up on before I took a shower and ate breakfast.
7:30AM: Went through all 2356 of some random girl’s pictures but it’s not stalking because we went to grade school together.
9:00AM: Pulled up my ex’s profile and checked their relationship status and it still said “single.” I had a shot of whiskey to celebrate.
1:10PM: Didn’t have anything insightful to say, but made a status update anyway. I wrote “I bought a mini rubber duckie.” Then I posted a picture of my lunch because am sure everyone is interested to know.
2:15PM: Facebook reminded me that it was John Hardy’s birthday today. I almost sent him a gift, but I remembered that I don’t actually know him. I left a generic “Happy Birthday” on his wall so I wouldn’t feel bad though.
3:00PM: Felt lonely, so I decided to change my relationship status to “In a relationship” with my BFF Sara Parker. Then I looked at my ex’s new pictures of his weekend out with his friends ~ can’t believe he took pictures with that skanky ass b@tch Susan Smith.
3:15PM: Played mafia Wars for just a few minutes.
5:35PM: I was extremely bored, so I continuously hit refresh for a few minutes till I saw something that interested me.
6:00PM: The News feed hadn’t updated in 2 minutes, so I suspected Facebook had been hacked by Nigerians. It was a False alarm, so I apologized to my Nigerian friend Charles on his wall.
6:03PM: Breakup Notifier Alert: My ex is “in a relationship” with that skanky tramp Susan Smith. What does he see in her anyway? Took 4 shots of whiskey to numb the pain and posted “Susan Smith has Herpes” on my status.
6:50PM: Received an email from my boss asking me why I had missed work today. After giving it some thought, I realized that I had missed work.
7:00PM: REALLY pissed off, so I posted a new status message: “My boss is a huge DOUCHEBAG. I am tired of him flirting with me and making me do silly s*&t all day”
8:00PM: An email alert told me that my boss had “added me as a friend.” Time stamped 6:50pm.
8:05PM: I received a message from my boss: “You’ve worked here 5 months and didn’t work out that I’m gay? I know I don’t prance around the office like a queen, but it’s not exactly a secret. Don’t bother coming in tomorrow.”
11:30: Switched Facebook to updates by mobile and fell asleep. Can’t wait for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!
CURRENT TIME 3:00AM: I finally realized. I JUST GOT FIRED! Drinking the whole f@#ken bottle of whiskey….
By Africanlegend also @ www.stuff-about.com