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Apple Water FINALLY Announced

According to a fully legitimate press release, Apple has thrown their hat in the water ring.  See below as well for the product details.


Cupertino, CA — Step aside, Perrier. Prepare for oblivion, Poland Spring. After steamrolling the music player, smartphone and tablet markets, Apple is out to disrupt a whole new category.

Today Apple announced Apple Water — a cool refreshment made for those willing to suspend all logic and pay the price for Apple’s lavish attention to quality and design.

“If you’ve been drinking the juice, you’re ready to drink the water,” proclaims Apple’s website.

Like iPod, iPhone and iPad, Apple Water is part of a closed ecosystem. By breaking the seal, you accept a User Agreement that prohibits refilling the container with tap water, spring water or any unauthorized third-party water.

“We’ve heard people say ‘there must be something in the water over there,’” said Apple spokesperson Lindsay Grebner, “and there is. We’re happy to share our water with fans all over the world.”

Apple Water is indeed an Apple-lover’s dream — pure, clean H2O, captured in Apple-designed containers from the central irrigation spigot at Apple’s corporate headquarters.

AAPL stock soared on the announcement today. Analyst Gene Munster of Piper Jaffray raised his target price to $500, noting the low cost of materials and customers “endless thirst and inscrutable need” for all things Apple.

A 16-ounce container of Apple Water retails for $9.99. Apple Water Pro, a five-gallon jug, is only $49.99.

And yes, you are drunk if you believe the above.

via Scoopertino