Sports

LeBronze

With all of the hullaballoo surrounding LeBron when he loaded up the truck, kicked the city of Cleveland in the junk, and moved to South Beach, it’s easy to forget that this isn’t Queen James’ first “Dream Team”.  That distinction came in 2004, when LeBron played on the 2004 USA Men’s Olympic basketball team.

In case you don’t remember, the team consisted of Tim Duncan, Allen Iverson, LeBron, Dwayne Wade, Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion, Carlos Boozer, Carmelo Anthony, Stephon Marbury, Richard Jefferson, Lamar Odom and Emeka Okafor.  They were supposed to be the latest in a long line of dominant USA teams, but history would prove otherwise.

In the first game of the Olympics, this team fell to Puerto Rico – PUERTO RICO – by a tally of 92-73.  The 19 point defeat was the most lopsided loss for the USA in the history of international competition.  The team scraped by Greece and Australia before falling to Lithuania – LITHUANIA.  During the semi-finals, the team was whipped by Argentina – ARGENTINA – and was officially kept out of the gold medal game.  They won their rematch against Lithuania and “won” the bronze medal, forever branding Mr. James with his new name – LeBronze:

Get used to it, pal

The USA Olympic Men’s basketball team had lost two games in ALL PREVIOUS OLYMPIC TOURNAMENTS before 2004.  That’s right – two losses in every Olympics ever.  LeBron and the 2004 Men’s team lost three games.

After embarrassing his country at the Olympics, LeBronze announced that he would return for the 2008 games in Beijing.  The USA Olympic Committee knew that there was only one way to restore glory to USA Basketball.  There was only one man who could help them.  They needed a champion, a baller, a real man.  Who’d they call?

This guy:

The best in the NBA.  Period.

Kobe rolled in for the 2008 Olympic Games and immediately showed the world that he’s unstoppable and the one true “King”.  He was able to put LeBronze and the leftovers from the Nightmare Team on his mighty back and lead them to the USA’s first gold since the 2000 Olympic Games.  He then won two more NBA Championships to go with the three he won before the Olympics, all with the same team that drafted him out of high school because he’s loyal to management, his city and his fans.

For the record, LeBronze won no championships before his first Olympics, none before his second, needed Kobe to win a gold medal, has won no championships since, and has stabbed everyone who ever cared about him in the face with a knife.