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San Francisco Won’t Let Your Fat Kid Have Toys

In San Francisco, you can no longer buy a Happy Meal with a Coke and eat it, too.

Amidst the fog of election week and the Giants win, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors has indirectly banned our favorite childhood past-time: the Happy Meal. Unfortunately, it is only appropriate to get a gift with a full meal as a child. Fortunately, there are still lunch buffets at strip clubs. Those are truly happy meals.

Ronald McDonald/Michael Jackson with little black boy

“Under the ordinance, scheduled to take effect in December 2011, restaurants may include a toy with a meal if the food and drink combined contain fewer than 600 calories, and if less than 35% of the calories come from fat.” thesimpleton did some quick mental math. Basically, any Happy Meal with a soft-drink is now contraband. This is all too bad, as we all know that this perfect fat, toy and sugar cocktail promotes the child’s eventual burning of those kCals.

McDonald’s food is certainly delicious, but a toy is toy is a toy…   You get to not only play with your french fries and McNuggets with a plethora of sugary dipping sauces, but you get to play with your new prize for the greater part of the afternoon only to realize you need to couple it with the other seven in the set to have a genuinely fun time.

Nothing is more satisfying than knowing that while you have this current toy, chosen by chance by the all powerful hand of your minimum wage friend behind the counter, there is always tomorrow bringing in a new batch of McNuggets and fries with an ice-cold Coke to boot.

Thanks Mom and Dad for giving me a happy childhood that was still affordable for you. You were able to spend very little to satiate my appetite and my hyperactivity. Thank you McDonald’s. The Board of Supervisors needs to remove its blinders and realize:

Happy Meal = happy kids = happy parents

“Progressive” San Francisco wants to curb a child’s obesity because they don’t think San Francisco parents can. We can only assume the Board made such a draconian move because their members were either still drunk from the World Series win or too high due to incorrect anticipation of the failed Prop 19. Maybe if San Francisco wouldn’t make it so damn difficult for developers to build affordable and healthy grocery stores, the area wouldn’t have this “problem.” Conflicted.

Grow up, shave your beards, and let the children play. This is America for God’s sake.

FYI- I have all the properties but one from each color group for the 2010 McDonald’s Monopoly. I will win. Go ahead and call me biased. Shove it Morgan Spurlock.