Dear Coach Belichick,
As you have no doubt heard by now, Canton-bound wide receiver Randy Moss has been waived by the Minnesota Vikings and his services are now available to all 32 teams in the NFL.
Now, unlike yourself, I am no genius when it comes to assembling a team capable of winning the Super Bowl, nor do I claim to be one. Nevertheless, I’d like to advise you to re-acquire the gifted receiver for the following reasons:
1) Quarterback Tom Brady likes toys – Judging by his taste in beautiful women, fast cars and fancy homes, the franchise QB clearly enjoys the finer things in life. At 33, Moss is still a deep threat and will open the field up for other options underneath.
2) Keeping your name in lights – Winning games is good and all, but unless this team makes it to the Super Bowl, the 2010 season could fade from our memories as the years pass. Re-signing Moss will be one of the biggest sports stories in recent times and will keep your team on the front page through the season. Observers everywhere will wait on the edges of their seats each time he heads to the podium for a post-game press conference. Everyone will debate the issue for years to come and will be talking about the move, regardless of how the season shapes up.
3) Proving what we already know – By trading Moss for a 3rd round pick, loaning a mole to help blow up a Super Bowl competitor and then bringing him back after only a month, you will prove yourself to be smarter than well… everyone. Simply put: a genius.
Please consider these points, not as demands, but as a humble bit of advice from someone who has a vested interest in your success.
In you we trust,
(Patriot supporter for decades and decades… and counting)